ugly house

Lookin off into corners can be hazardous

Not paying attention to what's in front, oblivious

No idea who or what, when how or why

Shit went down, don't even bother to lie

Cuz not Man-ing up can be quite a nuisance

When trying to identify just who you're losin

Gaining everything back before even stepping forward

Not a moment sooner, to accept your reward

Before another one's dead at the drop of a pin

Shattered existence, another 'late breaking' at ten

And yet you sit back, viewing others through another prism

As if you could hide your entire life in one of 'em

These various ongoings that never seem to be connected

All come full-circle when you get infected

You see, life is funny with what tends to happen

Random shit goes down, you better hope you can snap him

Back into reality cuz fantasy isn't fun

Finding out shit's fake is depressing son

So take a second to listen to your own thoughts

They are trying to tell you what your body does not

As you shop when you cop and adopt what you drop

Those lame ass excuses tend to never shock

And the corner's perception of what you've become

Is some fucked up kid that is often the only one

Since no one else is there for you to show off your new hair

As you continue to stare at what is clearly not there

You hesitate for a moment, then feel all self-absorbed

Into what can best be described as a feeling, but unsure

You continue on your way, through that wretched path

Until you are stuck, in front, of someone else's wrath

You see, life is funny with what tends to happen

Random shit goes down, you better hope you can snap him

Back into reality cuz fantasy isn't fun

Finding out shit's fake is depressing son

So you find yourself in front of something lost

It's been found before, but it always has a cost

Another riddle? Complexities are always the most fun

Except for those that end with a gun

Cuz a smoking bullet is not what's best for them

Not realizing that not everything is pretend

There are some things that you simply can't unsee or undo

Like walking in on your girl and her new boo

Putting you in a place of sheer misery

Black and blues woes are inevitably

Consuming souls of those that drift

Without ever finding someone to make love with

They are the people that flock here

They are the people that others should fear

You see, life is funny with what tends to happen

Random shit goes down, you better hope you can snap him

Back into reality cuz fantasy isn't fun

Finding out shit's fake is depressing son

Rants of Old

When i react

To this relapse

Everytime that i hit that

The feedback

That brings back

Those fuckin memories back

I see that

You're not bad

For me to try and speak back

About that

You triple stacked

And now that you've left black

And blue

I choose

To never speak to you

You left me

You broke me

I'll never be the same thing

That you met

When i was left

Completely alone and instead

You left for

Some more score

Those nights back in '04

I was so pissed

I was depressed

Frozen in time, in distress

And now that

I'm free of that

I can't seem to move on from the past

Cuz at the end of the day we are all in bed alone

Thinking to ourselves about whether we should roam

Or stay where we are, since life is quite content

But if you piss people off, there wont be any left

So when you think about all the shit that you've gone through

Don't hesitate to remind yourself about all the good done to you

Since no one really cares whether you're happy or not

Everyone's just selfish, keeping to themselves alot

So leave me here alone

Cuz nobody really knows

Just how I've come to grow

So depressed and so alone

It's all I've really known

I try to pass a clone

Of myself stuck in a zone

Just merely getting by

Not distracted by the light

As so many others fight

To try and get through this life

I'll just take another hit

Try and get me to quit

I won't ever fear this shit

Cuz depression is my bitch

And I'll stab it til it bleeds

That fuckin crimson red stream

That comes to surface just to breath

Stare back at me as I seethe

Out every possible emotion

Of anger, passion, and commotion

This shit spreads like lotion

Covering up then the motion

Of another stray stream

That always leads back to me

I don't fight it cuz I need

The bitterness seems to feed

The inner hatred and greed

That overwhelms me as I see

Depression is a state of mind

If you give it enough time

It will consume you like lime

-stone engulfs caves and mines

So don't feel sympathy towards me

Cuz I like this life I lead

I bleed when I bleed

And that's all I can really be

i REALLY need to write on here more >.<

Masochism

Some people enjoy things that others simply do not

For whatever reason people have preference of what they want

They like to do things that others simply despise

No matter what it is it's always tough to disguise

To hide the fact from others about their addiction

To their flavor of the week, what they do with conviction

Cuz no matter what, you can't change how these people act

Since they react without reason, simply trying to enact

What they percieve as fact and reality

At the end of the day, they simply feed their need

So when you see me acting in a weird ass way

Don't think to yourself about how much you used to praise

This torn up person that has fallen from existence

Who feeds his addiction without trying to resist it

It's that drug

It's my life

It's the rush

That gets me high

So pass me by

One last time

And don't judge

Since I won't budge

From this stance

Cuz when you glance

You better believe that you'll see

I'll be that fuckin person that I hate

That very same person on that lame ass date

It gets me going

Blood flowing

Heart races

I can't pace this

I feed the greed

I start to see

What I've become

What I'll be

Cuz when I'm buzzing

Thoughts running

I wanna escape it

I can't stand it

So sit back and relax

Cuz Imma try and bring me back

From this hatred, from this low

I can't stand it, I wanna go

Jump deck

Before I wreck

Another person, another soul

So when i roll

Try to envision

A different person

From what I am

Cuz I can't stand this man

What I've become, what I am

It's that drug

It's my life

It's the rush

That gets me high

So pass me by

One last time

And don't judge

Since I won't budge

From this stance

Cuz when you glance

You better believe that you'll see

I'll be that fuckin person that I hate

That very same person on that lame ass date

It's a needle of heroin

Shot straight up from my left hand

A stab of PCP

Straight into my right cheek

It's a line, it's a bowl

It's whatever that'll get me to stroll

Along the timeline of life

Diverting me from a wife

Cuz when I try to be myself

I just get brought back to hell

To the very same place

Of where i first lost that race

I can't even try to pace

You can see it on my face

I enjoy this drug simply way too much

Being a masochist is like doing a lethal drug

an OLD verse, for an old blog

High as fuck and that's all that matters

Cuz when i attack, don't even be flattered

By the curious shit that i speak or say

You don't understand when i speak about the day

The day of the week that just seems to get by

No one really knows just exactly why

Everything happens exactly the way it does

Cuz when people get by, no one really goes

Against just what the norm is, always contending

To the various shit that is constantly pretending

To lead the way of life that we should all follow

Please o Please, don't follow that hollow

Form of lifestyle that just shouldn't exist

People pretend to co-exist

With the very etentites that create this society

The very entities that control us, the proprietary

The very same people that attempt to take us down

Those against us will constantly frown

Upon the very people we have become

Since you are alone, I am merely one.

why?

High as fuck and that's all that matters

Cuz when i attack, don't even be flattered

By the various shit that i speak or say

You don't understand when i speak about the day

The day of the week that just seems to get by

No one really knows just exactly why

Everything happens exactly the way it does

Cuz when people get by, no one really goes

Against just what the norm is, always contending

To the various shit that is constantly pretending

To be the way of life that we should all follow

Please o Please, don't follow that hollow

Form of lifestyle that just shouldn't exist

People pretend to co-exist

With the very etentites that create this society

The very entities that control us or proprietary

The very same people that attempt to take us down

Those against us constantly frown

Upon the very people we have become

Since you are alone, I am merely one.

Too. 4Hore. Won.

Life...it's whatever you want it to be

Being the very thing you try to live free

Freeing you from any hardships and trouble

Troubling to know that you can't always control em

Them being the problems that arise each day

Daily you question how to make your way

Weighing each and every option that you have

Having only a few choices makes you mad

Mad crazy obstacles constantly block your path
Paths that never seem to reveal their wrath

Wrath merely just one of the seven deadly sins

Sins thrown in any of the nearby trash bins

Inner darkness shields the light

Warmth not only physical but mental

Bleakness engulfs the soul

Like a blanket putting out the flames

With melancholy comes a sort of resolve

The edge that you need to overcome

Allowing yourself to be that asshole

The funny thing about life is it's paradoxes

What you think is always wrong

You have to do the opposite

That bitter cold that overwhelms you

Is actually the very thing you needed to get through

5 17 09

The context of a rhyme isn't always what's important

The way it is said is often soft spoken

Lyrical content isn't essentially a must

Unless of course you don't want to be a bust

Knowing what you are talking about is always a nice thing

Giving your word credit, sometimes you need to pass on the bling

Merely pass on all the glitz and glam

That is presented for those selling out on their plan

Their plans of becoming a legit as MC

But instead, they throw it all away for some free

Cash, Ice, and females in their life

Idiots don't realize, they should indulge in their strife

Their struggles and anguish are what make you

Constantly adding to what you can contribute

But people are all the same, never gonna change

Cuz we are creatures of habit, limited by our range

The complexities of the human being are quite miniscule

Often much more common than some road kill

Now I have never been one that is quite decorated

With all the different struggles that are constantly commemerated

I just live each day, going through each struggle

But don't twist my words and think that I juggle

The life of a fiend, constantly caught up in heinous acts

Cuz that just ain't me, I'm simple like that

Bitches

Bitches are always fucking with my life
Causing drama to add to the strife
Convoluted actions are constant distractions
Throwing off perception, even my actions
Reactions being made to try and get through this
Weird ass relationship, always getting me pissed
They are always in my life, it's the way shit goes
It's the ebbs and it's the flows
The highs and the lows
It's those damn fucked up hoes
Constantly dragging me down
Always catching me on the rebound
Never can I find just a simple chill girl
Are there none that exist in this fucked up world

At the end of the day I only have a few things to say
One, get outta my life, just get the fuck away
I don't care where, just don't fuck with me
Two, take all your fuckin shit away from me
I don't want anything to remind me of your promiscuous nature
And how much you dragged me down into this abyss of a chamber
I presently find myself in such a dark place
And you can bet it's cuz of you, I hate this fuckin space
Three, please never speak to me again
Don't hit me up ever, I just want it to end
And lastly give me what's left of my heart back
Even though you ripped it out, tortured it, and cracked
What's left of my dismal psyche
Bitch, get outta my mind so I can break free

Greed

Greed and power are what harm us
Constantly dragging us towards bust
Spontaneously combusting, ending the strife
People's gluttnous desires destroy their life
Incandescent lightbulbs lead to ideas and thoughts
But nothing gets done, it's all for naught
Those who are wealthy rape those with little
Taking their money, lives, it's quite belittling
It's what is wrong with the world; some of the problems
They must be fixed, we have to solve em
Forever doomed, is the current destiny
For those who continue will never be set free

Can you see the sky, turn, green
From all the world's envy and greed
It's filled us all for all eternity
It spreads all the hate, lies, and misery

These people in this world do fucked up shit
By going to a foreign place, and fucking with it
Castrating their people and their customs
Robbing the people of what makes them one
One in a million, before they were messed with
But power and greed leads people toward Sith
Darkness and bleakness are engulfing this planet
These people give in to the oil and granite
There's no end in sight to all this madness
It must end soon before it spreads and
Single handedly leads to the destruction
This shit must change, change to re-construction

Can you see the sky, turn, green
From all the world's envy and greed
It's filled us all for all eternity
It spreads all the hate, lies, and misery

Advice for the Needy

Advice truly is a funny thing
No matter what you give, it's always haunting
Sitting in the back of the minds of those involved
Never truly surfacing, the problem is never resolved
Giving it is a fairly tricky thing to do
Having to word shit properly to someone who
Needs to hear just exactly the right words
And yet, you hold back, fearing that they'll lurk
Sit and recess in the back of their mind
Never reaching the front, never giving it time
To simply help during that time of need
Constantly giving in to that gluttnous greed
The future is what is important to look at
Not thinking about the past, its hard to get back
You can never simply go back in time
To change exactly what went down that night

So phrasing those terms needs deadly precision
Cuz it's as permanent as circumcision
If you mess up, shit gets fucked
Never able to simply get tucked
Put away, back into the past
Cuz irrational decisions, forever they last
And no matter what happens, some advice is better than none
Since leaving a person to simply sulk in their thoughts is dumb
They will never be able to figure shit out
Since they will always constantly doubt
Think that whatever they do isn't right
Looking down on themselves, and their thoughts with all their might

Listening to advice is just as critical
Those who don't get mentally physical
Constantly asking, and seeking for something good
But they find nothing, since they misunderstood
What it exactly means to seek help
Never listening to those that sell
Since those who give advice are few and rare
And all they seek, is to give you some spare
Thoughts, and moments of their time
And if not, forever doomed, you'll simply be out of your mind

Amateur Drawings

Let me attempt to paint this picture for you
I'm not good at drawing, so I'll use words to school
Teach you a little bit of what I think
Before you turn to dust, before you sink
Into hopelessness and despair, you simply think too much
About all the bad shit, never the good and such
You allow too many little things to bother you
Never allowing any of the good times to follow you
Recalling all of the fucked up shit that happens
The incandescent glow of a bulb mishapens
Your perception on life, time, and reality
Is always the same, until fatality
So please don't mistaken your thoughts and reactions
Take a second, before you make any bad actions

Badda Bing yo's

Maybe this is really the perfect drug
Until the high ends, then you constantly chug
Single handedly trying keeping yourself intox
I never was one that liked many locks
Cuz you don't know what it's like to live this way
...shit its just hard to get through each and every day

This drug is different, you have to understand
The side effects are miniscule, but it ain't bland
The high keeps you going, as you have more and more
Keeping you going, until your ass hits the floor
The rush is amazing, take my word on this
It's like nothing that you will experience
The crazy thing about it is that it's got many forms
Not limited to a single thing, it constantly deforms
Reforming into something totally new
You will be shocked at how it can't live without you

This drug is like candy, there are many kinds
From one to another, you will definitely find
That there is something for everyone out there
So don't feel alone, just grab it by the bare
-El, you see, it's great, isn't it
I told you, you can't get over this shit
Once you've tried it you are definitely hooked
It's the kinda shit that will get you shook
Shaking at the knees, if that's really your thing
Some people like to dance, or even sing
This drug isn't exactly a narcotic one
But it will get you addicted, like Steve O, son

You see, this drug I'm talking about isn't exactly tangible
But it's got more rep than Michaelangelo
It's something that you gotta feel, or simple imagine
Hear it through your skull, take the time to envision
People spend years, trying to perfect it
But most just get one or two legit hits
The kids, always gobbling up those lines
Thinking that if they spend enough time
They can one day too, be on the top of this game
Cuz this drug is MUSIC. and my rhyme was quite lame

Shit Gone Wrong

Feeling like he was never really quite with anyone
Never meant to be chillin or posting with no one
Just meant to be that one person who
Never quite finds anyone, not a single crew
Just that single loner, left out to dry
Never again, would he let the time fly.
Let shit get away, let people leave
For he needs to feel, like he can be
That he could be himself, around whoever he pleases
No one left, to even try to ease his
Abysmal past that always arises
Again and again, it really shouldn't surprise.

He tries and he tries, but nothing will change
He's just that person, that's just too lame
Can never find a group, or scene to follow
It's his kryptonite, it's what makes him hollow
He yearns and he yearns just to feel complete
But the shit he does, prevents him from sleep
Keeping him awake, from dusk til dawn
Constantly thinking, what the fuck's going on
Never again will he attempt
To try and make himself content
With his life, or even anything else at all
It's a tall order, even for Biggie Smalls
It's the kinda shit that most people handle
But for this person, not even the candle-
Light glowing off over in the distance
Can distract him long enough, to keep his existence
He pushes and pushes until the end is near
And life pushes back, farther than it appears.
He's all alone now, shit took too long
For him to get around to finding what calms....him

And that's what it is, don't even try to understand
This person is merely a mirage in this rant
I'm speaking for this person, as if he were real
He's merely just a figment, of me, you feel?
I speak for this person, because I'm afraid
To reveal me for who I am, don't make me beg
I don't want anyone to know, who exactly this is
That I've been speaking of, to all of these kids
These toddlers reading about me, trying to break me down
As if I'm some lab rat, an experiment gone wrong

Top 5 Albums IMO in no order whatsoever

At The Drive In: Relationship of Command
Thursday: Full Collapse
Far: Water & Solutions
Poison The Well: The Opposite of December
Rise Against: The Sufferer and the Witness

Update

So this may end up becoming a place where i just dump a bunch of stuff I write in my spare time....ya.

Who's To Fuckin Blame Now??

We are constantly looking for who's at fault
No matter the circumstances, it's always the first thought
It sticks in our minds, for all eternity
We will not rest, until there's certainty
We are too insecure to simply let things be
Pushing ourselves to self destruction, just to see
What we feel is the 'truth' to what went on
Whether it's suicide, or blew up by a bomb
It's the one weakness that we all have
It's the slit of a wrist; a gut that's been stabbed
It's the stress your life, that leads to your demise
Preventing you from making decisions that are wise
It's what will bring you down, all the way to the end
No matter what you do, to your death, it will send

Just Whatev

It gets cold, sittin in this dark place
So bleak that his heart, it starts to race
No one around, not even his conscious
Abandoned again, it seems that he lost his
Way to get through shit, no matter what it was
Him alone, it really doesn't matter cuz
No one truly was there beside
For all those times, they refused to reside
For even a day, just exist in his life
To give some meaning for that dull knife.

He begins to think back, to all those past times
Those piercing lies, come back to cut ties
Completely fuck him over, it seems too real
The incadescent glow becomes surreal
Is that really something there, off in the distance?
Or just another clone, to shake his stance
To get him to think a different way
Before he can say, its too late, to change
And then he's here again, caught in this passing room
It seems it's his home, forever doomed.

People come and go, leaving him here
This time no different, a familiar fear
Unsure of what's next, what he should do
Move on from this point, or look back on the few
Good times he spent, with whoever was last
Whoever was left, from the abysmal class
Those people were liars, they have all been the same
Not a single different one, to calm his fuckin lame
Attitude that never ever seems to fuckin rest
It peaks and peaks with those high up crests
Those mountains of fear and melancholy lows
Not a single one left, to help with his woes.

This dull knife is the only friend he's had
Through thick and thin, through the good times and bad
Yet ironically enough, the knife is quite different
As he stays the same, the knife's blade grows spent
It's seen better days, back when it was still sharp
Back when he had hope, before they did depart
And now it's left here with him
To attempt to help him fulfill this sin
Continue to cut at all the shackles he has
Holding him back, they are preventing his pass
Into a better place, much more different than here
With people who stay, without people who fear.

This single knife, it's all he's ever had
To help him cope, through the pain he'd glad
-Ly move on from this point in his life
The knife itself, can't end the strife
But he doesn't care, he reaches and grasps
Holding it close, pressing against his abs
Like a samauri, he attempts to rip
Away at his flesh, he losses his grip
Not able to finish what he desires to start
Not able to stop...the beating of his heart..

Frozen Wasteland

Wandering around in this frozen wasteland
Nothing around, I can hardly see
Constant snowfall, going on for months
It's like the Ice Age with this endless blizzard.
Trees stripped bare of all their leaves
Little to no life, surrounding me
It's been tough enough to navigate
Little to no light makes it nearly impossible.
Yet, there's an eerie glow off in the distance
I struggle, but eventually make it
There's a town nearby, I'm finally safe
Walking through, a creepy feeling makes its way through me
It's been abandoned; merely an organized wasteland
My trip isn't done, I must go on

Me Being Me

It's hard to understand what it's like to be me
I appear to sit around, and observe silently
Not realizing what exactly is my reason
For the shit i do, It's not like I'm the seasons
Being able to predict what will exactly happen
Whether it'll snow or the beach will be crackin'
But that shit ain't the purpose for what I'm about to say
These people don't know what it's like to live a day
In the shoes of a person who enjoys his grief
So listen real close, cuz imma make this brief

I enjoy self-loating and what not
It's just the way I am, so don't try and change me
The person I've become, is who to blame see
Constantly looking down on myself you see
For anything else is merely a bust
It's a waste of my time, if it doesn't make me blue
And black on the inside, it's merely who
I've become, it's the person that i love to hate
Bitches get off my back who don't appreciate
A little bit of depression can go a long way
To give you that edge, to make it through the day
What i am saying may seem quite hypocritical
For those who are alone please don't get spiritual
Cuz you see that's the difference between you and me
I enjoy this feeling, not having to worry

And now i will get to more of my point
The purpose of this speech that I did appoint
I don't care about whether or not im well liked
I don't give a fuck if you have to hit me with a spiked
Drink if you must, take advantage of me
So you can try to understand this person you see
In addition to self-loathing i enjoy a buzz
A rush if you must, from this simple drug
It's not like anything anyone has taken
It gives me the chills, it gets my heart achin'
Makes me feel on top of the fuckin world
Yet at the same time, i get a sense of this curled
Up person sitting up against a corner
Rockin back and forth, no i don't got a boner
This person is what i have become
Staying up late, cuz i can't get none
Can't catch them Z's, won't count those sheep
I was never one to listen to others speak
About different ways to try and get better
My life is ordinary, like some cheddar
Cheez won't you please get off my fuckin back
I don't need any help, and I never will
Cuz these feelings i get, they are my favorite thrill

And now lemme take the time to wind this down
I hope that you understand some of what i said
I was never one for being all that organized
Shit i can't even rhyme most the time
But that has never stopped me from being me
I enjoy this fucked up person that i've come to be
They call me Lost for short, and that's what i enjoy
Cuz it is who i am, it is what i am
I have no idea what exactly's going on
As i drift each day as if I'm at sea
So when you see me, please, don't say anything
About the way i act, or the shit i say
It's just me being me, enjoying my rush
Of this drug called manic, and this name of Lost

The rain has ceased

The rain "storms" that California, specifically San Francisco, just experienced were quite a change of pace. It was nice to finally have some sort of moisture fall from the sky, seeing as how we are currently stuck in yet another drought. And yet, as a few days of it went by, countless people, myself incuded, were waiting for it to finally subside. Rain in the Bay Area used to almost be something that was expected, and plenty of it. However, these past few winters have brought some of the best weather imaginable for this area (I am talking about 70s in the winter, which is crazy to imagine, since that's how warm summer is). I suppose it comes with the area, SF being known for having the coldest summers. As Mark Twain put it, "the coldest winter I ever experienced was a summer in San Francisco". Now there's a guy who was infamous for quotes, such as the only two things guaranteed in life are death and taxes.

Anyways...enough rambling. I am hoping that I am finally motivated to keep up with this thing, seeing as how it isn't viewed much, but more so to simply have something to kill 10 minutes of my day that doesn't involve ranting at some kid on a forum or ranting at some kid on halo, or simply ranting at some kid at the mall or something (ranting at kids seems to be a common thing in alot of people's lives).

Wow, a few months..

...have gone by since my last post, but I am finally getting the motivation back to posting again. I realize that no one reads this, but I will have to change that.